Penis owners and vulva owners both love to take the crown, but get ready for some surprises or two.
Today, let’s take a peek at this debate topic that’s been going on forever.
If the thought keeps popping into your head, and you wonder who is really more sexually active, penis or vulva owners, then you’re in the right place to get answers.
But a quick disclaimer: it may sound like a simple question, but the answers can be wonderfully messy.
Some say penis owners masturbate more, while vulva owners report they’re having more sex when in a relationship. There’s context. There’s anatomy.
We can say early that there’s no real “winner” here, but rather interesting patterns and myths worth retiring, which we’ll talk about next.
For Starters, What Does Sexually Active Mean?
In simple terms, being sexually active means getting intimate with someone else, using your coochie or pecker.
But a sexually active person doesn’t limit their activities to penis-in-vagina sex only, because doing oral or anal play is also considered a sexual activity, as well as touching or humping another person’s body.
And the best thing about it? There’s no limit. You might be surprised that around 1 in 3 penis owners and 1 in 7 vulva owners are getting laid, according to the National Library of Medicine, and some of them are even already over 80.
How Do Penis Owners and Vulva Owners Compare When We Talk About Being Sexually Active?
You might have heard from your friends or colleagues that penis owners are hornier and more likely to get turned on than their counterparts, because sex is like an on-and-off switch for them, unlike vulva owners who need to get into the mood.
But what if that’s not true? And it’s just a widespread belief? Let’s compare penis owners and vulva owners and their sexual activities.
Societal and Cultural Influences
Our sexual drive doesn’t only depend on our age, biology, or medication usage, but also on how we were raised. The things that we learn and hear when we were kids can likely stick with us as we grow older, especially when it comes to taboo topics like sex.
In most cultures, penis owners are raised to be more expressive about their sexuality, and they can joke about it during a family barbecue with no issues.
But for vulva owners, it’s a different story. Talking about sex openly in public can make them appear not-so-pure, and once they do, there’s a possibility of slut-shaming.
So, this might be the driving factor why we see penis owners as more sexually active, because their comfort levels about sex are much higher.
Vulva Owners Overthink It More
Because society places more stigma on people with vulvas and their sexuality, they’re more conscious about what people think.
That vibrator, porn materials, and nipple massagers are likely stashed inside a closet of a vulva owner, while for penis owners, their thrusters can be an awesome way to start a conversation with their peers.
Most vulva owners want to appear as prudish as possible, because that’s how a lady should be, and they’d just unleash their wild side once they get comfortable with someone else.
Penis Owners Aren’t Always Ready for Sex
It can be stereotypical to say that penis owners are more sexually active, because in fact, 1 out of 5 men experience low libido at some point in their lives, as per Cleveland Clinic.
Their low libido is usually rooted in hormonal changes, relationship issues, stress, or just from the everyday grind of life. Meaning they’re not always ready to pounce on their partner, making sex not always their priority.
Libido Levels Can Vary
Each person has their own tier when it comes to sex drive, so it’s really hard to say that one gender is more sexually active than the other.
There are vulva owners who have a higher libido than their penis-owning partners, and vice versa, so every sexual experience isn’t the same for everyone.
How a Penis Owner and Vulva Owner Think About Sex?
Now, let’s take a look at how their brains work.
For the majority of vulva owners, their brains work by connecting every thought and emotion, so during their intimate moments, they still think about the packed lunches they're gonna prepare tomorrow for their kids, or what time they’ll meet their family this coming weekend.
Unlike penis owners, on the other hand, their brains are designed to focus on one task and do it with full attention.
And these factors make vulva owners great multitaskers, while penis owners are more built for doing one major single task.
The same thing goes for intimacy, because penis owners tend to focus on sex more and do it with no divided attention; they are perceived as genders who are more into sex.
Related: High Libido in Vulva Owners: How Can You Handle It as a Partner?
Why Vulva Owners Appear to Like Sex Less?
Some vulva owners talk less about sex, but that doesn’t mean they’re not generally interested. And here are reasons why they may seem that way.
Because of Human Nature
Since a penis owner's and a vulva owner’s brains work differently, it’s also possible for them to have a different approach when it comes to their relationships.
For example, when we talk about evolution, penis owners are more aggressive about reproducing because, for them, it’s survival and provision. They want to produce as many offspring as possible, so they’re more eager to get under the sheets.
While for vulva owners, the number of times they can give birth is limited, so they tend to be picky when choosing a partner, which also makes sense because they’re the ones who bear the childbirth pains and rearing later on.
But let us share a Reddit user’s experience, where they stated that as a vulva owner, they had more sexual encounters than any men they know. However, they also said they would rather be in a relationship than doing hookups.
Here’s the tea: penis owners are seen to be more sexually active because they can do casual sex with no problems, but vulva owners get more sex with limited partners. Proving that receivers have the upper hand when it comes to getting laid.
They Might Experience the Worst
During the early stages of life, penis owners are thought to hold their willy properly when urinating, making them more relaxed about exploring their sexuality. Because as they grow older, it’s easier for them to find out that touching that area makes them feel good.
In contrast, vulva owners don’t need to touch their private parts in their daily lives, and some even don’t have an idea how good it feels when touching their clitoris. As a result, they can feel ashamed, or even feel wrong when they give themselves pleasure.
Another reason is that vulva owners have a higher chance of being victimized by sexual violence, because physically, penis owners are much larger and stronger than vulva owners, and they’re likely more aggressive.
And if a vulva owner experiences any sexual violence, it can be hard for them to trust someone again, no matter how safe the person is.
Vulva owners are also more likely to experience physical pain when doing it, whether they’re not lubed up well or their partner is doing it roughly. These factors make vulva owners appear less interested in casual sex, because they need to feel safe first before anything.
What Drives Each Other’s Sexual Activity?
Penis owners are from Mars, and vulva owners are from Venus, they say.
So, there’s no real point arguing which is which, because they perceive and do sex so differently, physically and psychologically speaking. And here’s how.
Their Biology Plays a Role
Sure, penis owners have always had that trump card: testosterone.
Testosterone is an important hormone that drives sexual behavior, and the thing that keeps them in “rage.” Vulva owners can also biologically produce testosterone, but not in as large amounts as their counterparts.
And for vulva owners, their hormones also fluctuate, especially during their menstrual cycles or as a result of their birth control pills.
But things can go down too; for penis owners, as they age, they’re more likely to experience erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, while for vulva owners, pregnancy can take a toll on their sex drive. So we can say that being sexually active can’t entirely depend on gender, but rather “seasonal.”
Behaviors and Psychology are Another Influence
Do you know that how your day went can also affect your sexual activity?
If you just had an argument with someone, or dealt with a heavy traffic jam going home, then that can influence your mood, and of course, your sex drive.
The confidence level of a person is also another factor, and their perception of sex can determine how they’ll approach the situation. So a person’s sexual activity is a combination of a lot of things, and does not entirely depend on the genitals they’re attached to.
FAQs
Is it true that being sexually active can cause a UTI?
Having regular sex doesn’t mean it will cause an infection, but to keep things on the safe side, you can always pee after sex and stay hydrated. All that friction can push the bacteria inside the urethra, so keep proper hygiene in mind.
My partner and I have different levels of sex drive. Can our relationship still work?
Absolutely. It's common for most couples, but that doesn’t necessarily mean there’s no chemistry. As long as you communicate, respect, and have patience, every intimate activity can make a big difference.
Is there a “right” dose of sex to have?
There’s no right amount, and as long as sex feels consensual, comfortable, and satisfying, then this matters more than just keeping the score.
Does having a low sex drive mean you’re not attracted to your partner anymore?
Not necessarily, because having a low desire can be from anxiety, pain, health concerns, and medication. But if it lasts for a while and you start to find it upsetting, then talking to your healthcare professional can help.
The Only Score That Matters? Your Pleasure
So, who takes the crown for the most sexually active: penis owners or vulva owners?
Honestly, nobody can win this battle, and that’s the fun part, don’t you think?
Desire is never a competition, and isn’t measured through gender, someone’s body parts, or how loud they talk about sex.
The secret will always be learning what makes you feel good, and how you can make your connection with your partner much more fun and exciting.
And speaking of fun, if you want to give your intimate moments a playful upgrade, you can always explore BeYourLover’s sex toys for solo sessions, couple time, or if you’re in a curious mood.
We have options for different desires, whether you want it discreet or loud, so you can find your new favorite sidekick without making it a whole neighborhood announcement.
Special Thanks:
Margaret Blake, David M Lee, James Nazroo, Daryl B O'Connor, Neil Pendleton - Researchers and Writers - National Library of Medicine
Time to get over the gender war and spread love! And if you’re ready to make your lovemaking a little bit extra, then you might want to check out our guides to Extreme Sex Positions, How to Have Safe Sex, and How to Survive Long-Distance Sex.
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