Let’s be honest, most anxiety around first-time sex comes from unrealistic expectations, not reality
You’re about to do something intimate with your virgin partner for the very first time, and it’s normal you feel nervous about it. We’ve all been there.
But this nervousness usually comes with lots of questions and what ifs, such as what if you hurt your partner? What if you ruin sex for them? What if they don’t enjoy the experience?
The truth is, for a virgin partner with a vulva, sex can be painful for the first time. But it doesn’t mean that they won’t enjoy the whole experience with you. All you need is a guide that will help you pick the best position to help you give the most pleasant experience for your partner.
Setting the Right Expectations
The truth is nobody is born knowing how to have great sex. It’s like a skill you need to practice to be an expert in it.
If it’s just yours or your partner’s first time, it doesn’t have to look like highly edited porn. First time sex in real life usually includes learning along the way, making mistakes, nervousness, laughter, and most importantly, communication.
The general rule to keep in mind if it’s your first time to ensure a satisfying experience is that sexual satisfaction is linked to communication and mutual comfort. It’s not acrobatics or doing sex positions that require you to be a gymnast or a contortionist.
Partners who talk, check in, and adapt to their partner’s needs experience better emotional and pleasurable outcomes during sex.
So, don’t try to impress, just check in with your partner, and ask your partner’s consent if you want to try something new.
Preparing for Your First Time
People often say your first time should be special, and it’s true. Even though the concept of virginity is mostly just a social label, you can’t argue that your first-time experience is going to be incredibly memorable. That’s why it’s a great idea to gear up for it.
Managing First-Time Discomfort and Anxiety
First-time discomfort is common, but it doesn’t have anything to do with sex positions, it’s actually about what’s happening in the mind and body.
Although first-time pain can be real. It can be worsened by anxiety and tension because these can cause the muscles to contract, making penetration harder and more uncomfortable. Other factors like not arousing your partner enough, not providing enough lubrication, or rushing into penetration can add to this discomfort.
If you want a repeat of a sexual encounter with your partner, make sure to make the experience as comfortable for them as possible.
Experiment on Angles First Before Trying Fancy Positions
Many people assume that the fancier the sex position, the better it is (thanks, porn). While the position does play a role, it's actually the angle, pace, and depth of penetration that truly shape the sexual experience.
According to Superdrug Online Doctor, pain and trauma during sex become possible mostly due to vigorous sex and poorly aligned angles. So even though it can be a simple missionary, things can turn out ugly if done incorrectly.
So, before we dive in to the suggested positions for first timers, consider the following:
- Penetrate slowly
- Adjust to a comfortable angle (use pillows or hip lifts if you must)
- Check in with your partner
7 Top Sex Positions for Your First Time
Below are beginner-friendly positions chosen with three things in mind: comfort, control, and connection.
Position 1: Missionary
This is a classic for a reason, and classic doesn’t mean boring. It’s a common go-to position because it is intimate and fun.
How to Do It
- The receiver lies on their back and gently spreads their legs.
- The giver lies on top, facing the receiver, supporting their weight on forearms or hands.
- Penetration happens from the front while both partners maintain face-to-face contact.
According to WebMD, missionary is one of the best positions if you want intimacy. The face-to-face contact allows easy communication and reassurance. This is also intimate because you can make eye contact or kiss your partner.
However, if the giver relaxes too much into their weight, the receiver may feel trapped or restricted. Also, the angle might not be ideal for every body, so this is where pillows or hip lifts can help.
If you find missionary too boring, you can make it exciting by incorporating some fun into the game. For example, you can use a cock ring such as the Rosalia. This isn’t just any cock ring, it pleasures both the giver and the receiver during penetration, adding to the fun.
Position 2: Spooning
If you’re nervous about intensity or want something that feels more like cuddling than sex, spooning is one of the safest, softest options to start with.
How to Do It
- Both partners lie on their sides, facing the same direction.
- The receiver is in front, while the giver is behind, with their pelvis aligned with the receiver’s hips.
- The giver gently enters from behind while both partners stay side-lying.
What’s good about spooning is that it requires you to be in a position that reduces pressure on joints and muscles, making it gentle on the body. The depth of the penetration is not intense which can greatly reduce discomfort for first-timers.
It is the best choice if you want to tease or want to take things slowly with your partner.
The only downside to this is that it’s hard to see each other’s faces and read expressions without turning your head.
To make this position feel more comfortable, the receiver can adjust their leg position by slightly lifting the top leg or bending the knees to make penetration easier or shallower. The giver can make this more intimate by wrapping their arms around the receiver.
Make sure to start slowly. The giver can use their hands either to cuddle or to tease their partner with a wand.
Position 3: Cowgirl
If the receiver is more anxious about pain or wants to feel fully in control, this position gives them the power to decide exactly how deep and how fast things go.
How to Do It
- The giver lies on their back with legs comfortably apart.
- The receiver straddles the giver’s hips, facing them, and slowly lowers themselves onto the giver’s genitals for penetration.
- The receiver can move by gently rocking, grinding, or lifting up and down.
The cowgirl provides the maximum control for the receiver, which is ideal for managing discomfort. This position also allows eye contact and kissing.
The downside is that the receiver’s thighs and core may get tired if they’re not used to this kind of movement. Balancing may feel awkward at first.
To help the receiver ease into this position, the giver can support the receiver by holding their hips, thighs, or waist.
The receiver can lean forward, placing hands on the giver’s chest or the bed for stability. Also, leaning forward often makes penetration shallower, and leaning back can increase depth. The receiver can also shift their knees wider or closer together to find the angle that feels best.
The receiver can stimulate their own clitoris or other sensitive areas with a Magic Cane to level up their experience.
Position 4: Sixty-Nine
If you think penetration is too much for your first time, you can start with oral first. For many people, starting with oral sex creates trust, arousal, and comfort before penetration.
How to Do It
- Partners position themselves so that each person’s mouth is near the other’s genitals.
- The bodies are inverted, forming a “69” shape.
- This can be done with one partner on top or both lying on their sides facing opposite directions.
What’s good about this position is that it’s almost painless, because there’s no penetration required, unless you wanna use a Wavey vibrator to stimulate your partner.
To make this worth your first time experience start with a side-lying sixty-nine instead of one partner fully on top. This reduces weight and makes breathing and comfort easier.
Position 5: On the Edge
This position offers strong physical support for both partners and makes angle adjustments simple, which is extremely valuable for a first time.
How to Do It
- The giver sits on the edge of the bed with feet on the floor and back supported by pillows or the headboard.
- The receiver kneels or squats over the giver’s lap, facing them, and slowly lowers themselves onto the giver for penetration.
- Both partners maintain contact through arms around shoulders, waist, or hips.
In this position, supported backs and hips reduce strain, and pillows behind the giver make the experience comfortable. Angle can be adjusted easily by moving the receiver’s hips forward or backward.
If you want to do this on the floor, place a soft cushion or folded blanket under the receiver’s knees. The receiver can brace their hands on the wall behind the giver for added balance. Keep movements small and gentle at first, like slow rocking rather than bouncing.
Position 6: The Dragon
This is a full-body, very close position that can feel emotionally intimate and physically grounding when done gently.
How to Do It
- The receiver lies on their stomach with arms above their head or comfortably beside their body.
- A pillow is placed under the receiver’s pubic bone to slightly lift the pelvis.
- Legs are spread just a little.
- The giver positions themselves over the receiver, aligning bodies, and enters from behind.
What’s wonderful with the Dragon position is it creates a strong sense of full-body closeness. If you want to improve the angle or feel more comfortable, use pillows under the pelvis. Since this is a first time experience, start with subtle movements.
To make this a comfortable experience, the giver should keep in mind that they should support their weight on their forearms or hands. Don’t fully rest on top of the receiver, because it will restrict their breathing.
Position 7: Doggy Style
Doggy style is often shown as the favorite in media because it allows for deep penetration and intense sensations. Though this can be a little intense for first timers, you can still go for it with a few considerations.
How to Do It
- The receiver is on hands and knees, with knees hip-width apart.
- The giver kneels or stands behind the receiver and enters from behind.
This can be a go-to position if you want something intense for a first time experience, because doggy provides intense stimulation and deeper penetration when both partners are ready for it.
The problem is deep penetration can become uncomfortable or painful if not controlled.
Therefore, the giver should take things slowly at first.
To make this a comfortable experience, try any of the positions above, before diving into this. Use pillows to protect the receiver’s joints and knees and also to help adjust the angle. Also, check in with your partner all the time.
It will also help to build your virgin partner’s arousal first by taking your time in a foreplay. You can use a vibrator to help build this arousal.
Bottomline
You are under no obligation to recreate anything you’ve seen online or heard from friends. There is no right number of positions to try on your first night, and there is no award for pushing through pain.
What truly matters is that: Consent is clear. Both partners feel safe enough to speak up and adjust or stop.
The best first-time sex position is not the one that requires acrobatics, it’s the one that lets both of you relax, breathe, and stay emotionally connected.
Also, make sure that before taking your partner’s virginity, make sure they’re 100 percent aroused, and this is where sex toys can help. Check out our guides to Choosing the Right Vibrator for You, Best G-Spot Sex Positions, and Big Dick Problems.
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